WHAT. THE. FUCK. Omg are kidding me? Gosh I can't believe how effed up you're acting right now. I "liked" you. But I don't think so anymore.. you're sooo fake -_- All I am to you is just "another one of Aaron's gfs" well fuck that. I'm not just another one of Aaron's gfs. You go and bitch at everyone when you get home and why? Because you had a terrible day at work again? Well everyone has it bad, you don't have to go and punish the whole fucking world because you're unhappy. You actually have the nerve to use me as a threat against Aaron. You KNOW how much I mean to him, how could you hurt him like that? What has he done to you that you have the nerve to excessively give him chores, take away his phone and laptop privileges, and use me against him? He's been doing well in school, he does as he says, he hasn't done anything wrong. I just don't understand why you're doing this. Thank god we fixed our problems before this even happened. I would've been depressed, our problems would've gotten a lot worse too. I don't see my bf often, and now I can't even keep in contact with him because of you. Thanks. Well I'm not letting you come in between my relationship, you can't take away Aaron from me.

I never thought we'd get here but I guess we've reached that part of the relationship. We've been fighting a lot lately and it's putting a bad impact on what we have. We'd say things to each other that in a way we mean but at the same time we're aware that it's hurting one another and then guilt comes.
We both miss our honeymoon stage.. and it's a bummer that we'll never go back to that. Right now we're at the "Comfortable" stage, I feel like I'm selfish.. Aaron puts more effort in our relationship more than I do, well he has lately and I've always put my friends first before him, I mean he goes and says, "I don't want to be that boyfriend who takes you away from your friends" but in this case, I need to pay more attention to Aaron and I realized I haven't. In a way, I feel like I've been the reason why our relationship got this way in the first place because I've been emotional, angry, and irritable all week. He's had enough to the point where he's starting to do the same to me, and we'll be fighting left and right. I hate it. :\ I know we can get through this together I just really hope this will all pass soon.

I hate that I've become so weak. I cry a lot now. What the fuck has happened to me. I mean I've always been emotional and I let people get to me a lot but damn, it's gotten worse, shit.
You know what else I hate? How I've become needy.. What kind of fuckery is this? I NEVER needed a guy to make me feel whole. But now, it's like.. I do. I feel that I need Aaron in my life. I'm so scared I'm gonna lose him. I feel like I'm gonna push him to the edge one day and he'll stop loving me, get tired of my shit, and leave.. If I lost him, I'd feel like I lost the other half of me :(
"I swear it on my life baby, you're not going to lose me.."
I want to believe it but I don't know anymore.. I've seen a lot of my friends that have been in relationships for over a year and they've broken up, and it's sad to think that could be me. It could happen in a matter of months, years. That's why I don't want to get married yet. I'm afraid it'll happen :'(
I can't believe Sarah lied to me though.. that compulsive liar I swear -_-
"Did you know your brother wants to marry me?"
"WHAAAT?!"
"Ha. Yeah, but not anytime soon. I told him we could get married in the future."
"Oh well that's weird, we talked about that last week and he said noope!"
Whatever..
As long as he told me himself. I'll take his word for it since you're such a compulsive liar. I fuckin hate liars. -_-

It's really weird. This whole entire week has been weird. I've been very irritable, angry, and sad.. for no reason -_- this is madness I tell you. Lol

Oh and I got to see Aaron a lot more than usual this week but it left me missing him a lot lately too :\ I get so lovesick and I miss him so much.. I hate it. It hurts missing someone. Longing for them all the time.

That's why I was so mad at my sister.. that offended me. "Yeah well he's a pussy." You don't fucking say that. You always have something to say. Like you're any better? Stfu and hold your tongue for once. Your big mouth is the reason why people get mad at you all the time. Geez.

I'm happy and sad at the same time. I wonder why I feel the way I do, but I have no idea.
Ya know, I miss my friendship with Adrian and Erwin.. it's kinda sad how I'm low key jealous of Joey -_- I feel like I'm replaced.. they're like always together. Then I feel like I'm always the last to know certain things and I feel like I'm left out of the group. Like idk whyyyy. Ughh :( I shouldn't feel this way considering that everyone misses me.
My self esteem just feels really low right now, I have no idea why though. *sigh*

So we talked about how we both like the fact that we both go to different schools, but hate that we do at the same time. We agreed that the reason why we like going to different schools is because the distance we have between us makes us long for each other more each day that we don't see each other. But when we do, it's all the more special because we cherish each moment we have together. We hate that we go to different schools because we miss each other so much that it would be nice to see each other more but like I said, distance is good. It kills, but it's good. Lol but there was another part that I kept from him.. there was also another reason why I'm glad we don't go to the same school.
When I though about it, if I went to Eldorado.. I don't think I would have dated Aaron. I guess it's that shady side of myself, who judges sometimes before getting to know a person. His friends are people I hated in middle school, like Sarah Fenner and Ellyn Woolfenden. It's not like they did anything bad to me, but I just did't like people, I still don't. When he said that Sarah was like his sister, I wanted to laugh inside. I mean I already laughed when he admitted that Ellyn had an obsession over him at some point. I felt bad, I can't believe I laughed. I was such a mean judgmental hating-on-everyone son of a bitch in middle school. Lmao We come from 2 different worlds. In a way I sound like a hypocrite because my crowd of people are weirdo orchadorks.. but I know like a variety of different people at my school. I know kids who associate in Band, ROTC, AP/Honors, PAL, Choir, Fashion, Culinary, Art, sports, the party people, etc. *sigh* No wonder he thinks I'm popular. Lol I'm not even popular, I just know a lot of people.. popular kids are the kids that everyone knows. But point being, I hangout with a different crowd of people, and since I tend to judge, if I were to go to Eldorado I wouldn't consider the chance of getting to know Aaron.
BUT.. if he went to my school, there would've been a 85% chance of me dating him because I'm friends with a lot of people at school. But then again, I don't know everyone at school. There's like a thousand kids at my school, so there's that 15% chance I wouldn't.

Omg Abby you're confusing the crap out of me Dx I'll wait Sunday then...

Last night was the best and scariest night of my life..
I don't regret it, it was a special moment for both of us.. and I know it was pretty stupid and reckless to have even tried without protection. I knew what I was getting myself into. But.. my hormones and curiosity got the best of me.
I am currently suffering from extreme guilt, fear, and sadness.
I'm guilty for letting it go that far.
I'm scared of being in this situation.
I'm sad because you're not even talking to me right now :'( I'm trying my best to stay calm but I'm scared and guilty more than anything. I need you.
Later on wife is going to pick me up and we're gonna go buy a morning after pill so hopefully by the end of today, everything will be fine.

It's been a sucky couple of weeks :\ I feel lonely.. I mean yeah I saw Aaron last week but it's just that I guess because I haven't hungout with friends in like a month.. it kills. I have a hunch on why they've been acting the way they have but it's not an excuse. I'm growing up, I still need the freedom that was given to me even when I was still your little girl. You guys are suffocating me. You can take away everything away from be but it will never change what I'm capable of doing. I'll keep trying to ask them about this weekend, I know it won't be much of an effort or progression but it's worth a shot I guess ..

If you're too busy to talk on the phone or can't, fuckin tell me. You hang up on me so many fucking times dude, it's annoying. This time, you excessively put me on mute, and then just hang up. The fuck bruh? Not even a bye?! Ohhhhkaaay. Yeah, I get it your friend's over, but don't fucking hang up on me w/o an explanation and act like it's fucking okay. Like I would get it, if we were arguing. But when we're actually having conversation and you're doing something and are too busy, you DO realize it's okay to fuckin tell me "Babe I'm too busy right now.." or "I'll call you later.." or fuck anything! Don't hang up on me! Ughhh. Such a pet peeve right now dude! Not even the business -_-

I'm sorry that I'm so difficult. I make things so hard on you, and I hate it. I didn't want to be that type of girl that says one thing, but really wants the opposite. Fuck dude, timothydelaghetto was right. Lol "That bitch is lyin!" Haha I just.. idk. I'm sorry I'm confusing, I'm sorry that I don't tell you things straight up, I'm sorry that I change plans so drastically (it's my parents fault. They don't know how to give me a straight answer.) I'm just sorry.. How can you be so perfect for me and yet have such a terrible girlfriend? You tell me I'm just as amazing and all but I feel like I could do better for you. You deserve a lot more than I give to you. You're better at showing your feelings than I can.. the only way I can show my feelings is through writing or music. I just don't know how to express them very well, and that's why it sucks that you "question" whether I love you sometimes, even if you're joking.. I bet you question me regardless. Point being, I just wish I didn't complicate things. :P

My period is being all kinds of fucked up. Idk whether I'm done or not O.o usually it's heavy but like this time there's barely any blood. I mean should I be happy? or should I be worried? *sigh* Idk.. but it's been an emotional week..

So possibly within a year or 2 from now I'm going to be engaged or possibly married O.o if anything, in 2013 I'll be living in a house w/ Aaron.. omg.. just the thought. Holy crap.

We had a discussion about marriage, where we would live, etc.

Sadly, he wants to stay in Vegas -_- if I end up living with him I hope he knows I'm either moving to South side, Summerlin, or West side (Durango/Fort Apache status).

and I'm NOT raising my kids in Vegas.. I just can't.

Aaron: "I woke up feeling like something was wrong and so I told Alan to get me the phone and called you right away."

It's an amazing feeling to have someone like you in my life. You know me. You know my facial expressions, my tone, when I'm lying, when I'm upset, everything..
It was weird, hearing him say I love you when I was crying warmed my heart and made me want to cry more. Lmao I could tell when he said it to me, he meant it.. it was like he said "I love you, I won't ever leave you no matter what, and I want you to cheer up cause it hurts me to see/hear you this way." all summed up in 3 little words.

Gosh, I love this kid.

I feel so disappointed and angry and sad at the same time..
limiting time w/ my friends was understandable and I hated it ya know but I understood. Being told that I couldn't go to Guam to see my sister broke my heart, considering how long I've been waiting to see her. I accepted the fact that I can't go to Guam because getting my license and focusing on school is important. But now, you're forbidding me to see Aaron.. It hurts me because I feel like you both are taking away everything from me.. what's even worse is having your parents tell you, you might end up like your older sister getting beat and winding up pregnant. It's disappointing to have your own parents feel this way about you, and having no faith. No faith that I'd wind up differently. It's a shame to have your own parents think so low of you.

I feel like I'm slowly getting broken again.. -_- this has been a bad week.. actually it's been a bad couple of days, weeks, months... my life is all bad. *sigh* I'm tired of being put in the middle, having to deal with their constant bs. Your dad this, your dad that. Your mom this, your mom that. I'm gonna divorce her. I'm gonna divorce him.
Bitches you're allllll talk. How many times have I heard that line in a matter of 17 years? Tell me? It must be a million because I hear it all the time from you two. It seems to be getting worse every freaking year, like I can't stand this shit anymore. Whatever, at least I have amazing friends and my lovely Aaron to keep me up.. if it weren't for them I'd be completely broken and unhappy foreverrrrr. Okay jk but I'd be extremely fragile to the point where the littlest things would probably make me cry. But I'm holdin up, I'm keeping strong, I've kept my grades up, and I'm graduating in a couple months, I might get a job after high school, and hopefully I get those scholarships I sent in the other day.. I mean I'm doing pretty well for myself at least.. it's just the environment I live in on a daily basis is breaking me and it's getting harder and harder to stay strong every second of my life.. :\

Before I give my letter away for him to keep I'm gonna write down what I wrote in my 6 monthiversary w/ Aaron <3 (:

Dear Aaron, I know this is so cliche but I honestly never knew how much you would mean to me when I first met you. I never thought that I would find my "perfect" boyfriend either. I thought you were going to be a typical boy who I would get to know and become really good friends with but after everything that has happened during the summer of 2011, it was obviously more than just friends between us. Thanks to you I got the summer romance I've always wanted, definitely a check off of my bucket list. Lol Then my 17th birthday came along, I spent it with this creep that called me "babygirl." He asked me to be his girlfriend; I couldn't help myself considering that I liked this kid a lot so I said, "Yes." Haha but I have to admit, that day sparked the turning point of the beginning of my senior year. I found the other half of me, (and no, it's not Bob or Craig. Haha) it's you of course. During these past 6 months together you've seen me at my best and you've seen me at my worst. You're always there for me when I need you. You're not only my favorite boyfriend, or some silly guy I'm in love with, but you've also become one of my best friends. You take care of me, you accept me for who I am even with all of my flaws and my little quirks, and you give me a better perspective on everything. You've changed me, believe it or not. Changed me into a better person and brought me pure happiness when I almost forgot what it felt like to be happy again. You found me when I was broken, and somehow you magically put me back together. Remember when I told you, I never believed in 'forever?' I never believed in forever because I didn't know if I could believe in something I never knew existed, but you, my love, made me believe in something I never thought I would ever believe in. 'Forever' wouldn't be the same if I didn't have you. You're really special to me, I hope you know that. At times, I know I can be a jerk or in your case, abusive. Potato, Tomato, whatever helps you sleep at night. Ha but in all honesty, I truly absolutely love you. Heck I adore you! (: No matter how much I tell you I love you or scream it to the world; it will never describe how much I feel about you. You are one of the rare people I would give up my precious sleep for, the one person who has never left my mind from day one, the only person who can still manage to give me butterflies no matter how long we've been together, and the only person that still holds my heart. Happy 6 month Anniversary babe <3 Love Always, Jess