I almost forgot I had a blogspot. Lol and I wrote like 6 days ago. wtf. Ha Dude I can't believe I can't sleep right now. Like I'm tired but I can't sleep -_- And I have to wake up at damn 4 am.

I guess I'll just get things off my chest.
I secretly hate Erwin for being cute. Putting those good looks to waste dude. Smh. Good personality & looks? Watch me get jealous if you get a girlfriend after your transition. Lmao

It's cool though, I have Aaron (: He's attractive, adorable, and I've been hooked onto his personality from the start so I'm content but I don't know what's been wrong with me lately. I've been missing him for like ever, I've been wanting to talk to him for the longest, and when I DO talk to him I get annoyed and I don't want to talk to him. Like what the hell is wrong with me -___- I don't know how I feel about him right now. Sad part is.. I don't know how he really feels about me. I know he "likes" me. But that's not enough. I've poured my heart out to him this whole summer and I didn't get anything in return. So when he says he'll make it up to me, he better. I swear. It's gonna be a bitch if I fall harder than he does -_- Let's just hope that doesn't happen. But anyways, he graduates tomorrow! I'm sooooo happy he's coming back <3

Yesterday was an eye opener. I have to change. I can't be this way anymore. I can't let my anger get the best of me. What if the last thing you ever said to a loved one was "I hate you" and you wish you could take it back but you can't? I don't think I could ever live with myself and the guilt. I know we fight all the time, but this time was just the worst it's ever been. I wasn't expecting blood involved. I didn't expect someone was going to get hurt. But it did. It could've been worse, and that's what hurts me inside. It COULD'VE been worse. And I'm the reason for her anger. She can go and call me a lying bastard or tell me I'm worse than Jojo. Idc anymore. I couldn't stand seeing her cry because of me. It hurt me just as much. And it seems to get worse and worse everyday. Therapy is our last hope. We all need this. I'm done hurting. It's time to heal.

I feel like listening to Kid Cudi and laying on my ass in bed allll day. -____-
This morning was fun though. Seeing some people in orchestra. I think it's hilarious how I'm the shortest one. But ya know, what's new? I guess being in orchestra isn't going to be a bad thing. I'm actually kinda glad I'm staying.

So today, I will NEVER forget the fact that Abby's coach locked me inside his truck (x Lmao it was so.. awkward and embarrassing. But idc. I had a wonderful day just spending quality time together. Whether it's watching Grey's Anatomy, chillin in the heat while you're at practice, watching PLL or almost breaking you're rice dispenser. I'm just glad I spent the day with you (: It's days like these where I'll miss the most during the school year. So i'm cherishing each moment we have until the school year starts.

I feel like this year's going to bite me in the ass.
But at the same time, it's going to be my favorite year.
I know for a fact that I wanna change my ways, no procrastinating(we'll see how long that lasts), use the internet for rewarding purposes, focus on getting good grades this year, deciding whether to stay in Vegas or go to Cali my first year of college, no drama this year, accept the fact that I'll be drifting from a certain amount of people, keep my feelings to myself. I can't manage another year crying in class again. I can't stand the pity I let people give me. Just don't give a fuck. Plain and simple. I know who my true friends are now. I know who I'll definitely still be friends w/ after high school w/o a doubt. I'm a good person, I'm a good friend. But if people aren't willing to do the same, or put in the same amount of effort, then fuck it. I can't always depend on others to make me happy, I have to make myself happy in order to embrace the happiness that's given to me. I can't let the littlest of things bring me down, or else I'll just be yet another fragile emotional wreck. That's all I want this year, to be happy. "Don't sweat the small stuff." It's going to be hard to balance school, friends, relationship, and myself. But I'm up for the challenge. Let's hope my sanity lasts.

What the fuck dude. Homecoming is so freakin soooon?! :O Omg I'm dying. What am I going to wear? How is this going to work? He's obviously not going to ask me in a cute way because it's MY homecoming. Holy shit. breathe. breathe. breathe. Okay I'm good. I'm just so shocked how fast everything is going. I mean school's practically in 2 weeks! Then the next 3 weeks homecoming? The fuck? Smh. I've got a lotttt to talk about next sunday. *sigh*

I can't believe I've spent my whole day on Tumblr -_- How sad.

I am sooooo tired of your bullshit. I'm tired of your attitude. I'm tired of having to please you yet get nothing in return. I'm tired of dealing with your psychotic tantrums. I'm tired. I'm tired of YOU. I swear to my life you're bipolar. "When I get a divorce, I'll fight for the truck. So the truck will be yours. Me and Jan will have the red car. Blahblahblah bullshit bullshit bullshit." Who the fuck says we're even going to be with your psychotic ass? I HATE with a passion how you automatically assume I want to be with you. You treat me like scum. You treat me like shit on the fucking ground. And you expect me to live with you? You expect me to choose you? What the fuck is wrong with you? You disgust me. I WANT you guys to have a divorce so I don't have to see you. That's how bad you treat me. And you're going to go around happily saying that you're going to fight for us and all this bullshit? Really now? Where the fuck is your proof that my dad has another woman? That he has a child? That he goes around all the time having fun and has girls left and right? Where in your mind does that even make sense? For someone to work and work and come home and spend time with me and Jan you're telling me that he's going out having fun? It doesn't make any sense to me! He DOESN'T even have friends because of you! You're so controlling and obsessive! You take AWAY EVERYTHING from him! You get jealous whenever he spends time with me and Jan. You get jealous if he's talking to Jojo. You get jealous at the smallest things. It's not even normal. You're CRAZY. And you expect me to live with you? Well fuck you. I'm not living with you. I'm tired of the way you treat us all. You ruin our family. You ruin everyone's lives, mine especially. You've scarred me. It's hard for me to trust people. It's hard for me to let people make physical contact. It's hard for me to even be happy! Everytime I'm happy YOU come along and take it away from me. THAT'S why I don't want to live with you. Or see you. Or be with you. Or ANYTHING cause you're going to take away everything I have just like my dad.

That's why I don't know Joy Williams very well. She sings a lot of Christian music. I don't really listen to Christian music, I didn't even know it sounded that pretty. I really like it, it's something new. I found out a couple songs that I like from her.
-We Are
-One of Those Days
-Sunny Day
-If You Wanna Go

I practically cried when Caleb left :( I love Ezra and all, but Caleb from the start has always been my favorite. "I have one reason to come back, and thats you." It reminds me of Aaron. "Of course I'm coming back to you, I put that on my life." Blahblahblah. I don't but I got real emotional when Caleb left :( Ugh.

Man I cried when Caleb left. I'm still sorta sad. Ugh, I love him! Besides Ezra he's the reason I

I was such an idiot buying stamps. I NEVER go to the post office. I made a fool out of myself but I had fun. It was a first time experience for myself so it's fine! ;D Haha

I thought this was good advice for the both of us Abby. Just saying. Luan is so real, man he knows how I feel. Real talk dude. I get it completely about the whole "don't depend on your boyfriend for your happiness" thing. I'm actually doing pretty well with that right now. I've gotten happier w/ friends and family and stuff. Ugh. buuuut, it upset me yesterday that it took him FOREVER to freakin call me. I wanted to tell him so much and I just didn't know what to talk about because it just went through and out my head. It sucked ass. So we didn't talk about much, and I seemed like an idiot on the phone. I just hated it. Idk, I didn't like yesterday at all. -___-

I for one, am definitely pmsing. I don't know why I've been so moody for the last couple of days. It's unhealthy, but I guess pmsing may be the reason why. If not, then something is seriously wrong with me. I've been getting ANGRY so easily. Having no tolerance for one thing, may explain my anger problems. BUT I can't always blame it on intolerance. Pish posh. No excuses. I just need anger management. Plain and simple.
I'm being emotional. Ew. -___-

*sigh*
I hated today. It was so embarrassing having to talk to Aaron on the phone while my dad was there. I wanted to talk about so much. But my dad was there-_- Then my parents are arguing in the background. Idgaf even if you're speaking tagalog! You guys were being loud and rude. Poor thing, "we've been together for about a month now. And I'll be honest.. that's the longest I've ever been in a relationship." "Aw, well it'll sure be a lot longer than that." I honestly don't even know how long my longest relationship was. Because we were off and on for so many years. Aaron is like perfect for me<3 Oh my goodness, I can't believe he said, "I'll take you on a shopping spree oneday. But there WILL be a limit." LOL! Awwww. I don't know if I could handle that. I have never had a guy do that for me (': I was so happy to go to Borders today! I can't wait to go back. I will buy all the Nicholas Sparks books that I love, the Wicked series, SE Hinton's The Outsiders and That Was Then, This is Now and some other books. I don't remember the rest of my list.

My back was a bitch today. I can barely walk. -_____- I'm in major pain. It's not the business. And thennnn my mom's being a psycho crazy bitch right now. Yelling at my dad. claiming we went to "his other woman" The fuck you on bitch? We went to Borders and Target. You were sick and throwing up, why the hell are we going to bring you with us when you need your rest? You're the one who told me and Jan "hurry up, you guys are leaving now. I'm not going I'm sick." Then you turn the fuck around and tell us that we left you. Bitch. Ass. Nigga. Really? Really now? Oh helll no. You really need some help. I seriously don't know what to do with you anymore. One second you're all nice and dandy, then the next you're being violent and yelling at us and saying all these nonsense assumptions. Then you're crying, and you're sad as a mother thinking that we're leaving you. Wtf dude. Bipolar much? Smh. I seriously need to get her psychiatric help, this is getting out of control.

My back hurts -___- It's like ruining my mood and it doesn't help that Aaron hasn't called me yet. Wtf dude. I want to talk to you soooo bad. :( I've waited and waited. I really don't like waiting either. I've been so excited for this day, and I have so much to tell you.. but you haven't called. What am I supposed to do? I have only one stamp. Maybe I could stop by the post office or something tomorrow? Ugh. I really don't know. Damn you. I'll be so upset if you call me while I'm out and about w/ my family -___-

I've never been so angry and disgusted all at the same time over a guy >:O Ughhhhh. I'm so mad!
Freakin Angelo. You stupid ass jerk off. Like shut the fuck up, who the hell do you think you are? All high and mighty, actin like you're hot shit. Really? Really now? You're personality fuckin sucks to be honest with you.
First he out of the freakin blue messages me and tells me I'm wack. Then he has the audacity to tell me I'm shy. Oh helllll to the no. Never in my life have I ever been called shy. That's an insult! To me at least. Ughhh.

Angelo: Nigga dont be offended aha I'm shy too don't trip Aha u act like a drama queen. We should kick it tho
Me: Deal with it (:< Fasho, next week's my only week to kick it, when are you free?
Angelo: I'm free whenever...someone is on there period
Me: You're on your period, shutup. Stop being a vagina. Oh well, we should hangout next saturday
Angelo: Where? With who us two only us or what?...nigga keep it low key I know shit. ;( lol
Me: Naw, it'll be a group thing. It'll be more fun that way (: We should go to Galleria. Lmao low key. Uh, sure.
Angelo: Lmao give me a ride?
Me: Ride? What am I a taxi? Naw nigga. Lmao
Angelo: Yes my nigga it's my way or the fuckn highway
Me: Lol go get your own ride. I need to find my own ride too. :P
Angelo: Once u do that stop by my place
Me: No it's okay, by the time I find my ride I'll be on the highway. Sucks for you suckaaaa
Angelo: Lol I think we should hang just me nd you to catch up
Me: That'd be nice, but I haven't seen you in years. I feel like it'd be better as a group for right now.
Angelo: Wow nigga you are really shy
Me: You're getting on my nerves. Stop calling me shy -_-
Angelo: Ur shy babe u know it
Me: Babe? BABE? Really now? Really?
Angelo: ;) yes why u blushing?
Me: No one said I was blushing. I have a boyfriend, I hope you know that.
Angelo: Idc u can blush I hope you know that.
Me: Well I'm not blushing.
Angelo: Uh hu sure
Aha ur taken aha k don't seem like it
Me: Why not? Just because I didn't change my relationship status? Facebook doesn't determine my relationship status. I do. Dude. Can we just change the subject?
Angelo: Ahhh yeh ok here's one ur gay aha
Me: SATURDAY PLANS = CANCELLED.
have a nice day (:

First of all.. Don't just randomly message me if you're going to be a rude ass bitch. Second of all.. DO NOT EVER fucking call me shy if you don't fucking know me.
and lastly, DO NOT EVER fucking call me "Babe" unless you're name is Aaron Patrick Baker, then you can't call me ANYTHING related to or that word in general. Actually, don't even try to get at me you jerk off mother fucking piece of scum because I have a boyfriend -_-

Lol I love how my Guidance teacher's name is Aaron. Why look at that, isn't it destiny (: Lmao

Man I'm excited for tomorrrrrow (: (: (:
I've been waiting 7 days to talk to youuu. It's been killing me since the moment I had to get off the phone with you.
You definitely have a way with words, it's so cute.

A- "Send one please I really really want one so I can (in a way) see you and show you off to the guys here ;)"
Lmao. How freakin cute! I've always wanted a guy to show me off to his friends.

A- "love you now and forever"

Smh. FOREVER. -_- Hm, I don't know what say. I don't even know if I should tell him that I don't believe in forever. Eh, whatever. When the time comes I guess. I'll let him be happy and say all these cutesy things for now.

I never realized how sensitive he really is. I find it adorable. I remember the last couple of seconds before we got off last Sunday he just all of a sudden got sad. He was like "I really don't want to get off. I don't want to wait 7 days to talk to you. I'm going to miss you." Then he was like "I have to go.." "Aw right now?:P" "Yeah.. I love you." "I love you too, bye." He sounded so upset. I was upset too, I wanted to talk to him for hours and hours. But then he sent me a text right after we got off and was like, " I LOVE YOU<3 " Freakin cutie I swear. Haha

A- "After we talked on the phone and I gave the phone back I really missed you and made me (almost) want to cry, heck writing this letter to you almost makes me want to but I won't. No one can see my tears."

Awww you poor thing. I just want to give you a big ol' hug right now. Ha

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh Kristine you annoy me -___- Why do you complain so much about being lonely yet you can't even simply trust people or keep friends? I sound so harsh right now, but its the truth. There's only so many people who can always be there for you, but it's a matter of communication. You can't always complain about people not being there for you when you don't even straight up tell them that somethings wrong. I'd fuckin be there if you even talked to me. No one can read your mind woman! Stop complaining -____- "I'm lonely." "I've drifted from so many people." "I don't have any friends." "I miss everyone" Bitch if you really missed us then make a fucking effort to talk to us than sitting around moping and shit. Ugh I can't stand seeing your tumblr posts when you complain about being lonely. Usually I let it go but it's getting sooooo annoying! UGhhhhhhh. What's wrong with you.

I mean I know EXACTLY how you feel. I really do. I spent most of my junior year feeling that way. But I never complained about being lonely and EVERYONE leaving me. I gave my all to a lot of people last year, I tried so hard to keep Patricia's friendship, and then things got a little rocky with Dena, and then my grandma and great grandma died, then Jojo & the kids leaving to Guam, and with my parents fighting every single day. It was hard and I was broken most of the time. But I never complained about being lonely. I put so much care into everyone else except myself and that's why I was so broken.. because I forgot about myself. About my own happiness. But after my sister left. That's when I realized I had to change. I realized I have to be happy for myself and accept things the way they are. Then BAM, I met Aaron. Lol Now I can finally say that I'm actually quite happy. My parents don't fight quite as often, I mean they still do but I stopped caring. And my bond w/ Jan has gotten much closer. And my friendships w/ Abby and Kathleen are a lot stronger as well, I've spent a lot more time with them this summer than any of my friends from school. I think it's funny. My relationship w/ Aaron is great too. So I say happiness is right around the corner, you just need to fight battles before you reach it.

Just watched Jersey Shore. Omg this season's going to be craaaazy. Haha freaking Mike though! Stop trying to get at Snooki. It's ruining everything. But I have a feeling most of the season is going to be focused a lot on Mike and Snooki. That's probably why Ronnie and Mike butt heads bc from the start you can tell Ron's like, "Uh hell no bro, back the fuck up." Finally something to look forward to again. Haha I haven't watched tv in forever (x I look at the tv once a week, Tuesdays of course. Lol! I just can't wait til September 15th, Vampire Diaries<3 Wootwoot!

I told him about my whole thought of him ever leaving me at my lowest, when I was upset that one Sunday my family, you, Stacy, and I went to Raising Canes. And he was pretty upset, he couldn't believe I thought that for a second. I hated that I made myself sad, I just couldn't help but think that way. After what I've gone through the past year. I was scared to get hurt again, but he reassured me that it wouldn't happen. He'll always be here for me even at my worst. And so with that, he wants to thank you Abby (: Lol because I told him that you convinced me not to think that way, and you made me realize that I was being stupid and making myself sad for no reason. He was like, "Tell your friend Abby I said thanks." (:

I must say, after Sunday.. I've listened to cheesy love songs nonstop. On repeat.
-___- I'm driving myself crazy. Haha
Here's a list of the songs I've listened to:
-The Way You Are by Kina Grannis & David Choi
-The One You Say Goodnight To by Kina Grannis
-Lemme Go by Erika David
-Perfect For Me by Shwayze
-Meant to Be by Melissa Polinar
-Honestly by Melissa Polinar
-I Don't Care by Melissa Polinar & Jesse Barerra
-Stay With Me by Jesse Barerra
-When You Say(Nine) by Gabe Bondoc

Good gravy. I had a playlist to express how I've been feeling lately. Hahaha I guess I've been in a lovey dovey type of mood. smh. Lmao

Jersday today (: I might have to watch it tomorrow or something because my dad has issues with me watching those shows. He'll be like, "Change this shit. What are you watching." "You're watching bad things." blahblahblah. Shut your face. I'm old enough to watch this, calm ya self. But I don't want to take the chances. Lol So yeah. I sent my I.D. to Aaron today, he'll most likely get it Monday though. I'm so excited to talk to him Sunday! Ugh, I hate waiting. It sucks so bad. Wanting to be with you, have your arms wrapped around me, cuddling with you, joking around and laughing with you, holding your hand, EVERYTHING. I want that.. NOW -___- and I usually don't like that stuff, but I want it with you. That just PROVES that you're different, and special, and I like you so much. "If you're ever at your lowest I'll be there to bring you to your best" "As long as I got you I'm not gonna let you get hurt again." I've always wanted a guy to tell me that. To prove me wrong. You're everything I've always wanted. It's weird O_o? Is this real? Or am I dreaming? I have spent so long dreaming of a summer romance, and having this ideal guy in my head, and watching these sappy chick flicks and wishing I could have a love life like that and I HAVE it. It just.. it's.. hard to believe I'm getting what I want! I'm beyond happy (: I never thought this would happen so suddenly. I always thought I'd find love when I was like 20 or something. Actually I remember I got to a point where I thought I'd be forever alone with 5 dogs. Lmao! Oh god, I can be ridiculous sometimes I swear. But anywho, I'm just really happy to have Aaron in my life right now. "Every chance I get, I make sure I call you." that means A LOT to me. Just the littlest things you do for me make me happy. You could be sitting right in front of me and I'd be happy because you and your presence simply makes me satisfied. From the moment I met you I loved your company. I loved being around you. Talking to you. Making you laugh. Seeing you smile at me. We did NOTHING at your house yet I had a great time. And I would love to spend my days with you because being with you is the only thing that I could ever want.

Lmao. I can't believe I saw Maele at the school. Of all people. But I love that guy, he's so funny. "All of your family are giants, what happened to you?" Lmao Maele is sure small for a Samoan. Ha Well, I love my picture but I'm hella cheesin. Hahaha I might just give this one to Aaron or something. And take a retake. He wanted a picture, I'm giving him a picture. This is the closest to a picture he's ever getting. Lmao jk but for the mean time. I was thinking about printing out my profile picture from FB and mailing it to him but that takes money and a trip to wallieworld. I don't have a ride and money for that. So he's gotta deal. Hm, I guess so. I'll just send him my I.D. Ha

Damnit. I'm craving carne asada fries and I really want a damn Scrump plush doll from Lilo & Stitch -____- *sigh* But the only way to get it is if you go to Disneyland or Disney World. Unless someone buys it off Amazon or something but still. Oh well.

I took a Self-Esteem Test on Tumblr. Lol
My result was 77%

Your results indicate that your sense of self-worth is fairly healthy. You rarely put yourself down or fall victim to self-depreciating statements. There are certain attitudes and beliefs that have been found to contribute to and "feed" a positive self-image, and you appear to have many of them. Examples would be believing that you deserve to be loved or respected, believing that you're good enough for someone, and focusing on your good qualities rather than only your perceived faults. While you may not necessarily feel all of these things all of the time, your opinion of yourself is generally quite positive. This is a healthy attitude to have, as a poor sense of self-worth can hold you back from pursuing your goals, cause you unnecessary stress, and even become self-fulfilling prophecies.

It's pretty accurate.

So my older sister claims that I'm in love O_o
I don't even know what love is.. wait am I in love? It's making me question whether I am or not. Is this how it feels? Gaaah. I'm confused. I don't think I'm in love. I think I'm in deep deep like. That's all. But I mean I'm reaching that point, I know I am. I can feel it.
Fuck. I don't know anymore. I don't know if I'm in love, but one thing is for sure, it's pretty great.

Less than a month til school-_- but 3 more weeks til he comes back, so I'm pretty happy(: I hate how this summer has gone by too fast. This summer is one of the few summers I actually enjoyed the most. I hungout with my closests friends, had an adventure and played tourist in the strip like I've always wanted to, had the summer romance I've always wanted, had a sleep over with bester uno and bester dos, dyed my hair, made a new friend, went to San Francisco and San Jose for the first time, and spent 4th of July with family I haven't seen in 5 years. I mean, it wasn't much really and it's not like the typical teenage stuff like, sneaking out in the middle of the night, getting drunk and wasted, and going to parties, but even if I still haven't done any of those things, I can honestly say I had a wonderful summer<3