It's kind of crazy to realize how much time has passed and my friendship with Abby has stayed the same. If anything, it's gotten a lot stronger. We're both blossoming into really wonderful and beautiful young ladies. Looking back on ourselves today was embarrassing af. The things we did in middle school. It's hard to believe. We must have been reaaally comfortable if we made these weirdo videos and danced all ridiculous. I can't even think about what we were doing, or why we did those ridiculous things. And even though we've done some humiliating stuff together, I know for a fact I had fun doing it. It's really funny just laughing at ourselves and how stupid we were. Lol
Shoot we're still comfortable, we talk about the most awkward things and we don't even care. Haha Abby could ask me the most awkward question and I wouldn't even judge her and give her my flat answer. Sometimes it's tmi, like today. Lmfao but we're comfortable together. It's greaat.
I don't really know my point to this post. Whatever, I guess all i'm tryna say is that I love my best friend and I'm thankful to have a great friend like her in my life. The end. Good night. Spent 12 hours with this bitch, you know I love her. Lol (x
Sunday, July 22, 2012
I'm torn, hurt, and close to broken...
I have learned that love is both the best and worst feeling in the world .
"In too deep, can't think about giving it up, but I never knew love would feel like a heart attack. It's killing me, swear I never cried so much cause I never knew love would hurt this fuckin' bad. The worst pain that I ever had." Story of my life.
"All the times when I know I should be smiling, seems to be the time that I frown the most. Can't believe that we're still surviving cause I'm slowly breaking down." Yepp. -____- Heart Attack is seriously the story of my sad life. Omg.
I have learned that love is both the best and worst feeling in the world .
"In too deep, can't think about giving it up, but I never knew love would feel like a heart attack. It's killing me, swear I never cried so much cause I never knew love would hurt this fuckin' bad. The worst pain that I ever had." Story of my life.
"All the times when I know I should be smiling, seems to be the time that I frown the most. Can't believe that we're still surviving cause I'm slowly breaking down." Yepp. -____- Heart Attack is seriously the story of my sad life. Omg.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Last time this happened you called everyday because you were afraid you'd lose me. Now that it's happening again you haven't called at all, not once. I feel like you don't care anymore :'( You probably don't even want to be with me anymore, maybe that's why you're doing this... but why should I care anymore? I'm the one breaking up with you... but I feel like I'm the one whose hurt the most...
Thursday, July 19, 2012
I'm writing this post to remind myself "why" I've decided to break up with Aaron.
Just two days ago Abby had an epiphany and explained it to me which also became an epiphany for me when I understood that it was the same situation I'm in right now. The moral of the story was that "Love comes unexpectedly." The person you end up liking is someone you had no idea you would like, and someone who changes you in unintentional positive ways.
That's the thing about Aaron. I thought that Aaron was the ideal guy for me. He was perfect but for some reason, there's something missing about him that just isn't for me. He's never really changed me for the better, if anything the only side he brought out of me that I had no idea I had was my naughty sexual side. Sadlife. Lol Maybe Janisse was right though? Maybe I AM too good for him? I mean, it's not that he treated me bad. He treated me very well, the way every girl would want to be treated. He gave me the right amount of affection, care, and love, but I guess as time went on he's become very apathetic about our relationship and began to rely on me to do everything. For once, all I wanted was for him to decide on things between us. Whether it was to go to the movies or make plans, ya know whatever it is. But no, he always ended up making me decide "to make me happy." Honestly, that doesn't make me happy. I want a man who takes charge. Not only takes charge but every now and then considers my decisions or choices in the making. I want someone who will constantly surprise me. I guess in the end Aaron wasn't perfect. Lol the idea of him being perfect got into my head and they always say that "the way you think of a person, isn't always who they are." It's true.
It's very sad to see what my relationship has come to. No one would've seen it coming, everyone thought we were perfect together and we'd eventually get married. Haha but that's what everyone thinks when they're in love or in a relationship. In the beginning where everything is always great, people are at their most happiest state in their relationship, that's when thinking about marriage comes to thought. It's probably because the person they find makes them the happiest person alive and they believe that they'll give them the same happiness their whole entire life. Those who are lucky enough to have those long term relationships where they keep each other happy throughout many years, I think those are the relationships that end up having a happy marriage. Welll, actually I don't know. The way marriage is in the U.S. and their constant divorce rates... who really knows. It's up to the couples whether they have a happy marriage or life together. Haha
I will be honest... it's heartbreaking. I'm like a tough cookie on the outside but it hurts deep down. I guess I'm not as sad as I thought I would be because with our relationship becoming the way it has become, I became numb to all my feelings. I just don't care about what he does anymore. I'm tired of always being angry and annoyed all the time. I want to go back to the days where I always had something good to say about him, I was always excited to talk about anything about him, our plans, what we would do... everything. It all changed though. Now I don't want to hear his name, or see it, or speak of him at all. The subject of Aaron stings. Passing by his house breaks my heart and looking back, not knowing why or how things have gotten this way... hurts. It hurts me. Sometimes I second question myself whether I want to break up with him. Then I repeat the same answer to myself every time. "I can't hold on to something that won't ever change. That flame we once had, is gone. It's no longer there anymore. The effort we once had, is also gone and no matter how much I want things to go back to the way it used to be, it won't. So why hold on to something that hurts you the most when all you'll ever have is pain?"
When we're not together anymore, I'm gonna look back at Aaron and say "He was actually a great guy and was very good to me. We had great times together but things just didn't work out in the end." I really hope I treated him well and was a good girlfriend to him. I know I could've done a better job as a girlfriend but I guess as time has passed, I didn't feel the need to put in anymore effort. It sounds like I've given up, but I don't see it that way. There's only so many chances you can give someone. I gave him the chance to prove to me he wants to make something out of his life. I gave him the chance to do well in everything that offers in life. Whether it's school, work, family, etc. All I ever wanted was for him to just take care of himself. To make better choices in life because I care. I truly care for him, and that's one thing that won't ever change.
I love him. I adore him and his cheesy dorky affectionate sweetheart personality. I grew to love him and everything about him and I will always love him. I fell in love with a stranger who brought back the meaning of happiness at the lowest of times and I'm blessed to have met him. All I wish is that he lives a happy & successful life. I hope he grows up to do wonderful in life and always strives to do better.
Just two days ago Abby had an epiphany and explained it to me which also became an epiphany for me when I understood that it was the same situation I'm in right now. The moral of the story was that "Love comes unexpectedly." The person you end up liking is someone you had no idea you would like, and someone who changes you in unintentional positive ways.
That's the thing about Aaron. I thought that Aaron was the ideal guy for me. He was perfect but for some reason, there's something missing about him that just isn't for me. He's never really changed me for the better, if anything the only side he brought out of me that I had no idea I had was my naughty sexual side. Sadlife. Lol Maybe Janisse was right though? Maybe I AM too good for him? I mean, it's not that he treated me bad. He treated me very well, the way every girl would want to be treated. He gave me the right amount of affection, care, and love, but I guess as time went on he's become very apathetic about our relationship and began to rely on me to do everything. For once, all I wanted was for him to decide on things between us. Whether it was to go to the movies or make plans, ya know whatever it is. But no, he always ended up making me decide "to make me happy." Honestly, that doesn't make me happy. I want a man who takes charge. Not only takes charge but every now and then considers my decisions or choices in the making. I want someone who will constantly surprise me. I guess in the end Aaron wasn't perfect. Lol the idea of him being perfect got into my head and they always say that "the way you think of a person, isn't always who they are." It's true.
It's very sad to see what my relationship has come to. No one would've seen it coming, everyone thought we were perfect together and we'd eventually get married. Haha but that's what everyone thinks when they're in love or in a relationship. In the beginning where everything is always great, people are at their most happiest state in their relationship, that's when thinking about marriage comes to thought. It's probably because the person they find makes them the happiest person alive and they believe that they'll give them the same happiness their whole entire life. Those who are lucky enough to have those long term relationships where they keep each other happy throughout many years, I think those are the relationships that end up having a happy marriage. Welll, actually I don't know. The way marriage is in the U.S. and their constant divorce rates... who really knows. It's up to the couples whether they have a happy marriage or life together. Haha
I will be honest... it's heartbreaking. I'm like a tough cookie on the outside but it hurts deep down. I guess I'm not as sad as I thought I would be because with our relationship becoming the way it has become, I became numb to all my feelings. I just don't care about what he does anymore. I'm tired of always being angry and annoyed all the time. I want to go back to the days where I always had something good to say about him, I was always excited to talk about anything about him, our plans, what we would do... everything. It all changed though. Now I don't want to hear his name, or see it, or speak of him at all. The subject of Aaron stings. Passing by his house breaks my heart and looking back, not knowing why or how things have gotten this way... hurts. It hurts me. Sometimes I second question myself whether I want to break up with him. Then I repeat the same answer to myself every time. "I can't hold on to something that won't ever change. That flame we once had, is gone. It's no longer there anymore. The effort we once had, is also gone and no matter how much I want things to go back to the way it used to be, it won't. So why hold on to something that hurts you the most when all you'll ever have is pain?"
When we're not together anymore, I'm gonna look back at Aaron and say "He was actually a great guy and was very good to me. We had great times together but things just didn't work out in the end." I really hope I treated him well and was a good girlfriend to him. I know I could've done a better job as a girlfriend but I guess as time has passed, I didn't feel the need to put in anymore effort. It sounds like I've given up, but I don't see it that way. There's only so many chances you can give someone. I gave him the chance to prove to me he wants to make something out of his life. I gave him the chance to do well in everything that offers in life. Whether it's school, work, family, etc. All I ever wanted was for him to just take care of himself. To make better choices in life because I care. I truly care for him, and that's one thing that won't ever change.
I love him. I adore him and his cheesy dorky affectionate sweetheart personality. I grew to love him and everything about him and I will always love him. I fell in love with a stranger who brought back the meaning of happiness at the lowest of times and I'm blessed to have met him. All I wish is that he lives a happy & successful life. I hope he grows up to do wonderful in life and always strives to do better.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Oh my gosh. So much for going to Aaron's house. Lmao -____- my surprise visit was a fail. I wanted to stay longer, I didn't realize I would be sweating balls and shit (not cute -___-), I wish he was more excited to see me, and I wanted to make out and have sex... I'm so horny, it's so bad. Magic Mike made me like this. Lmfao I'm sexually deprived right now.. I have a bf and I don't even get to fuck him as much as I want to.. what the shit is this. Sadlife. Life of a sex addict. Or maybe it's because I don't get it in often. I have sex probably about once or twice every month. Regardless, I shouldn't be acting like this. It's been only 2 weeks. Why am I going crazy? It makes me laugh. Omg. Hahaha I can't believe I'm acting so ridiculous (x Anyways...
It's summer :/ You would think I would be seeing this kid more often... I miss him so much. But he's sooooo okay with not seeing each other. I hate it! I'm like... attached to him. Not so much that I'd be going insane if I don't see him everyday but not seeing him lately kinda sucks ass. I hope I can make plans with him soon.
It's summer :/ You would think I would be seeing this kid more often... I miss him so much. But he's sooooo okay with not seeing each other. I hate it! I'm like... attached to him. Not so much that I'd be going insane if I don't see him everyday but not seeing him lately kinda sucks ass. I hope I can make plans with him soon.
Your parents are so controlling. They look down upon you because you're over weight, they don't even let you eat dinner sometimes, you're 18 and you can't go out much, you have your license and you can't even drive anywhere, they don't let you go to California for one day with your brother, you don't even look comfortable or happy in your own house, you want to go to college for music & philosophy but your parents don't support you, you can't even strive for your own dreams because they hold you back, you can't act like yourself in front of your family because they'll judge you. How fucking sad. Idk.. I feel bad for you. Your parents shelter you from the world. It's worse than Emmeline's mom. I just don't understand how your parents could treat you like that, you're scared to even do little things because "your parents will get mad." Fuck your parents dude, be yourself. Be you.
Haha, who am I kidding? That's not gonna happen. You're gonna stay listening to your parents. It's no problem, it's actually really good, but you don't have the guts to even try to change things and express yourself the way you want to because you're afraid of your own parents' judgments. Your parents don't even know you.
Haha, who am I kidding? That's not gonna happen. You're gonna stay listening to your parents. It's no problem, it's actually really good, but you don't have the guts to even try to change things and express yourself the way you want to because you're afraid of your own parents' judgments. Your parents don't even know you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)