wanna know why? WANNA KNOW WHY? WANNA FREAKIN KNOW WHYYY?
because I look like a pizza face rudolph the red nose reindeerrrr! ughhhh.
Dx
All freakin week i've looked like this! I can't even pluck my eyebrows bc I've lost my damn tweezers! AGAIN! Like, what the helicopter. Who the hell is stealing my shit?! Not only have I felt like shit all week, but I've looked like it too:\ darn the world.
And I'm just kidding. I don't hate my life. It pisses me off like hella, but I don't hate it right now, at least.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
You might regret putting an end to something that once made you smile. You might even cry your eyes out whenever you miss the way it used to be. But remember that time heals almost everything, and the time will come when you’ll no longer cry when you remember it. Instead, you’ll smile and think how better off you are since then.
Wow. Today was, actually better than usual. Ginger actually helped me remember how it felt to be happy again. How to laugh and for awhile that pain i've been having disappeared, and everything I was sad about didn't even exist. But then when it was time to leave, that feeling came back.. it reminded me of why I was sad, and now I'm kind of back to those wretched feelings that haunt me night and day. Ugh! I hate this! I hate the fact that I started the quarter this way. My grades were pretty good in 3rd quarter, but w/ everything happening and me getting all depressed effected the way I dealt w/ school. I became REALLY apathetic towards my grades and EVERYTHING. I didn't talk to many of my friends, and at one point I just stopped caring about doing homework and tests. It was a really bad way to start the quarter. So starting today, I'm getting on top of things. Idk if my feelings will change but I can't start slacking at the beginning of 4th quarter while school is ending pretty soon. It's a new start. I have change things. NOW.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
This is the reason why I'm not doing Powderpuff and Prom:( I can never do anything for myself. "You only gave me 50 dollars." "50 dollars?! I gave you 350 dollars! It's how you budget your money! I can't do anything about how you budget it when I gave you 350!" "I have to use it for gas, food, to wash the dishes, .." Damn nigga! Excuses, excuses! Fuck your fucking face. Do you know how EMBARRASSING that is for your friends, family, strangers, Jan's friends, and my friends to think you're crazy? That's humiliating! "Oh my god, you're acting like you're 16." Even Tita Alma thinks you're crazy! She even suggested putting her in some sort of mental institute or therapy or something, because it's been going on for so long. She's literally CRAZY. Freaal:(
Ya know, I never thought it would hit me, until now. I get it, completely.. "I get it, your friends are everything to you.. but you can't always know every detail about them.. it's not that we're distant, but you have to understand that we're growing up. I'm looking for colleges and stuff, I don't even see my brother! but I'll always be here, if you need anything, ya know just call me." That talk w/ cousin opened my eyes. It helped me completely understand that "friends come and go." I mean I'm not saying that she's out of my life, but it's not going to be the same anymore. I can't be too attached anymore. I get way too attached and it's the thing that really hurts me, because once I get attached.. when they leave or gone, it hits me. Hard. Starting today, I think I'm going to stop getting too attached to people. I'm like.. relieved. I don't have to worry about drifting away or whatevers anymore. The tension b/w us was getting so bad that I guess we had to talk it out. I'm kinda glad it's resolved, but I'm still dissappointed that our friendship won't be the same. She'll always be my "cousin" so I can't mope about it anymore. I have to stop dwelling in the past, and comparing what's happening now to what we used to have before. I have to accept things the way they are.
"It’s so funny how someone can act like your best friend one second, then become a complete stranger the next. It’s funny how you can spend so much time sharing secrets and making memories with someone just to drift away from them in the end. It’s funny how someone can spend so many minutes of their life with someone who only becomes someone they once knew. It’s funny because you make all these promises about “forever” and how “nothing will tear us apart” but in the blink of an eye, they’re gone."
Yupp. I'm done! No more sappy days. I'm over it, I have to move on(:
"It’s so funny how someone can act like your best friend one second, then become a complete stranger the next. It’s funny how you can spend so much time sharing secrets and making memories with someone just to drift away from them in the end. It’s funny how someone can spend so many minutes of their life with someone who only becomes someone they once knew. It’s funny because you make all these promises about “forever” and how “nothing will tear us apart” but in the blink of an eye, they’re gone."
Yupp. I'm done! No more sappy days. I'm over it, I have to move on(:
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
"you can always say sorry, but the real apology is when you hear the sadness in their voice and see the look in their eyes. And you realize that they hurt themselves just as much"
Yupp, that's why I never accept any of my mom's apologies, because she's never truly sincere. She just says "sorry" to shut us up. She doesn't honestly care. If she had an ounce of care in the world, she would stop all the bullshit she brings in this family.
Yupp, that's why I never accept any of my mom's apologies, because she's never truly sincere. She just says "sorry" to shut us up. She doesn't honestly care. If she had an ounce of care in the world, she would stop all the bullshit she brings in this family.
I sorta agree w/ that post you had, where it said that:
"Sometimes you hold on even if it's painful. Just because the pain of losing somethng important to you is a much worse pain to feel."
But when you think about it, it's better to accept letting go of that important thing because even though it's way more painful to let go of them, that pain is only temporary, and holding on to them not only hurts but that pain lasts as long as you keep them w/ you.
"Sometimes you hold on even if it's painful. Just because the pain of losing somethng important to you is a much worse pain to feel."
But when you think about it, it's better to accept letting go of that important thing because even though it's way more painful to let go of them, that pain is only temporary, and holding on to them not only hurts but that pain lasts as long as you keep them w/ you.
Monday, March 28, 2011
So I broke down earlier, after re-reading my post:\ and what you've written Abby. It's like I feel your pain too, it sucks. And I wasn't expecting to break down at such a random moment, the tears just started pouring. Then my stupid mom ruined my mood. She really pisses me off. Like how can you just put words in my mouth and act like you know everything? I've been depressed for over a week and NOW you notice? Show's how much you notice or even care right? Cause you're always home, and asking me how my day was, or considering how much I go through everyday while your psycho money hungry ass helps me ever so much. Right? Well thanks mom, for nothing. Cause all we ever get is bullshit from your ass! "I do so much for this family." Well then, tell me.. what have you done that's been ever so grateful for our family? Tell me! Cause I'm dying to hear it, all you bring is unnecessary endless drama to our family and we're all not happy because of how you act! You don't even realize how crazy you really are. It's so sad. "You know, I know how you feel, I'm going to miss her too. She's done so much for the family." Fuck dude! Get the fuck off me bro! Get your shit straight too! YES, I'm sad that my sister's leaving. But NO, she's not even the main reason I cried! And the fact that you think that she's the main reason I'm sad, reaaally pisses me off. Because you just DON'T KNOW what's going on in my life. How much pain I go through. I'm sad because I feel like everything I have is just slipping out of my hands, my best friends aren't even close to me anymore, I don't even honestly think people really love me, I give my fucking all for everyone, I'm ALWAYS there, I'm always the one to be there when someone is breaking down or sad, but no one's there for me! It fucking sucks, because you think you know people, but in the end you really don't. They say, "I'm always here for you." Stop lying to me, geez. I'm tired of trusting people, and in the end my trust in them was a complete waste. That's why it's hard for me to trust anyone anymore because I'm always putting an effort in my friendships and some people don't even make the effort. A friendship takes 2, not one. #ForeverAlone:(
I'm having a feeling I'll be depressed for awhile. I'm not purposely doing it just for sympathy or pity or whatever it might be. Plus, who would want to be sad? It hurts like a bitch. I feel like every little thing that has an ounce of "mean" could just make me cry. It's weird. I'm being way too emotional and sensitive right now, and I hate it. But I don't know what to do, I'm just really sad.
I think I'm like taking this whole cousin thing to the heart dude. It's crazy. This morning, when I said 'Hi' to her, it felt like saying Hi to a stranger, I don't really know how to explain it. But that's just how it felt, weirrrdO_o. And at our meeting today, she brought Katie(Patricia's bf's sister) and some girl named Sam. The whole entire time, she didn't even talk to me, or even say "Hi." Which was another thing that upset me. But anyways, I guess Katie was supposed to be on one of the lists for the Easter Party and cousin hesitated to say Katie's name, she was like, "Ka.. tie. Oops, I almost said wifey." And when she did that, it felt like a stab in the heart. That sudden pain was so unexpected, I didn't think it would hurt me. Maybe it's because she used to always do that with me, "Je..ssica. Yeah, I was about to say cousin. Oops. Haha" It might seem like jealousy, but to be honest.. it's not. I'm not jealous of Katie at all, I have no reason to.. that pain was just simply the feeling of being replaced:\ And that feeling sucks. My friendship with Patricia won't be the same anymore, I just know it. I accept that though, I'm gonna lose and gain friends, but it's just going to be hard getting used to how things are beginning to be, that's all.
I think I'm like taking this whole cousin thing to the heart dude. It's crazy. This morning, when I said 'Hi' to her, it felt like saying Hi to a stranger, I don't really know how to explain it. But that's just how it felt, weirrrdO_o. And at our meeting today, she brought Katie(Patricia's bf's sister) and some girl named Sam. The whole entire time, she didn't even talk to me, or even say "Hi." Which was another thing that upset me. But anyways, I guess Katie was supposed to be on one of the lists for the Easter Party and cousin hesitated to say Katie's name, she was like, "Ka.. tie. Oops, I almost said wifey." And when she did that, it felt like a stab in the heart. That sudden pain was so unexpected, I didn't think it would hurt me. Maybe it's because she used to always do that with me, "Je..ssica. Yeah, I was about to say cousin. Oops. Haha" It might seem like jealousy, but to be honest.. it's not. I'm not jealous of Katie at all, I have no reason to.. that pain was just simply the feeling of being replaced:\ And that feeling sucks. My friendship with Patricia won't be the same anymore, I just know it. I accept that though, I'm gonna lose and gain friends, but it's just going to be hard getting used to how things are beginning to be, that's all.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
30 Things Guys Should Know About Girls
1. whatever you do, don’t just show up at their house…they run around in their underwear just like we do.
2. don’t cheat on them. it may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. trust me, they will find out and you will be mud.
3. beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn’t even wait for the damn hat.
4. never miss an opportunity to tell them they’re beautiful.
5. don’t refuse to kiss in front of your friends. if they laugh at you, it’s because they’re jealous.
6. if they slap you hard, you deserved it.
7. don’t be afraid to touch them if you want to. if they’re going out with you in the first place, it’s because they like being in your arms.
8. if you don’t sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did. 8.5 if you do sleep with them, don’t tell your friends that you did.
9. you can be dirty minded in private, really…most of them are not offended by it…
10. not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.
11. most of them don’t mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you’re a pussy..do you honestly need all your money that much? be a man, pay all the time!
12. every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. even if it’s not a serious relationship.
13. make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. if you’re dropping her off, walk her to the door. if you aren’t dropping her off, call to be sure she’s home safely.
14. if a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.
15. if you’re talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.
16. never, ever slap her, even if it’s just in a joking way. even if she swats you first, and says, “oh, you’re so dumb” or something, never make any gestures back.
17. go to a chick flick once in a while. she doesn’t care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.
18. you’re dead meat if you can’t get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. be prince charming to their friends, mr. polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.
19. don’t flirt with their moms…that’s just freaky.
20. don’t be freaked out by pms. it’s not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding.
21. if you don’t like the way they drive, you do it.
22. if you’re officially dating, and you’re introducing her to your friends, you’d better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.
23. don’t stress where you go for every date. they really only want to be with you.
24. if they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.
25. girls are fragile. even if you’re play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.
26. memorize their god damn birthdays. you forget her birthday and you’re basically screwed for life.
27. don’t marinade the cologne, but smell good.
28. don’t give her something stupid for her birthday or christmas or valentine’s day. it doesn’t have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. jewelry is always nice.
29. if you think the relationship isn’t going to last, don’t wait to find out. it will only hurt you more if you draw it out.
30. after you’ve been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. when you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.
Main Traits I want in a guy. They don't have to be all of them but do most of them. Just sayin.
2. don’t cheat on them. it may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. trust me, they will find out and you will be mud.
3. beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn’t even wait for the damn hat.
4. never miss an opportunity to tell them they’re beautiful.
5. don’t refuse to kiss in front of your friends. if they laugh at you, it’s because they’re jealous.
6. if they slap you hard, you deserved it.
7. don’t be afraid to touch them if you want to. if they’re going out with you in the first place, it’s because they like being in your arms.
8. if you don’t sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did. 8.5 if you do sleep with them, don’t tell your friends that you did.
9. you can be dirty minded in private, really…most of them are not offended by it…
10. not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.
11. most of them don’t mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you’re a pussy..do you honestly need all your money that much? be a man, pay all the time!
12. every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. even if it’s not a serious relationship.
13. make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. if you’re dropping her off, walk her to the door. if you aren’t dropping her off, call to be sure she’s home safely.
14. if a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.
15. if you’re talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.
16. never, ever slap her, even if it’s just in a joking way. even if she swats you first, and says, “oh, you’re so dumb” or something, never make any gestures back.
17. go to a chick flick once in a while. she doesn’t care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.
18. you’re dead meat if you can’t get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. be prince charming to their friends, mr. polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.
19. don’t flirt with their moms…that’s just freaky.
20. don’t be freaked out by pms. it’s not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding.
21. if you don’t like the way they drive, you do it.
22. if you’re officially dating, and you’re introducing her to your friends, you’d better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.
23. don’t stress where you go for every date. they really only want to be with you.
24. if they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.
25. girls are fragile. even if you’re play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.
26. memorize their god damn birthdays. you forget her birthday and you’re basically screwed for life.
27. don’t marinade the cologne, but smell good.
28. don’t give her something stupid for her birthday or christmas or valentine’s day. it doesn’t have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. jewelry is always nice.
29. if you think the relationship isn’t going to last, don’t wait to find out. it will only hurt you more if you draw it out.
30. after you’ve been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. when you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.
Main Traits I want in a guy. They don't have to be all of them but do most of them. Just sayin.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
"She's trying to get better, she's trying to be happy. She's trying to smile everyday and not be bothered to be asked "Are you okay?" questions all the time. She's trying really hard to smile, and act right. But somewhere in all of this, she's losing herself. She's fading away. Don't you realize?"
Exactly.
Exactly.
/vent. a very long one.
It makes me sad how a lot of my friendships have become so distant. The only people I know to still be here is, Abby and Liz. Well of all my best friends that is. I feel so annoyed by most of them, or they have too much on their hands everytime I want to hangout, or we just don't even talk anymore. I don't even know whats up Dena or Cousin. I hungout w/ Dena just yesterday, and it was good.. but different. We came so close to being Soul Sisters, then poof. Once Cross Country came in, it changed our whole friendship because she got so close to Katie. I mean I have nothing against Katie, and yeah I've got to admit, I'm jealous of the fact that you're so much closer to her than I am now. And Dena promised she wouldn't be like those type of girls who would choose their bfs over their friends, and look what happened. You're mostly w/ him and Katie. But what can I do, a whole fat NOTHING.
Cousin pisses me off. I don't like telling her anything anymore. It's always the same to her, about my problems and stuff. Yeah they're the same concepts but they seem to get worse and worse and all I want you to do, is be there for me. Instead of, "Mhm." "Yeah." "Oh." Like the way you seem to act is like, 'Get on with your point now, I have something better to do' You hangout more w/ Drew and his family and I've just become so distant with you. You don't even know how much I miss you.
It just sucks, ya know.. getting so attached to people that it hurts. Watching them move a step back in your life every second and everyday. There's just people in your life where they either leave on their own or.. you have to let them go. It's sad, but.. it's the truth. There's just so much pain that a person could handle.
Quote of the Day: The origin of suffering is attachment, attachment leads to suffering.
It makes me sad how a lot of my friendships have become so distant. The only people I know to still be here is, Abby and Liz. Well of all my best friends that is. I feel so annoyed by most of them, or they have too much on their hands everytime I want to hangout, or we just don't even talk anymore. I don't even know whats up Dena or Cousin. I hungout w/ Dena just yesterday, and it was good.. but different. We came so close to being Soul Sisters, then poof. Once Cross Country came in, it changed our whole friendship because she got so close to Katie. I mean I have nothing against Katie, and yeah I've got to admit, I'm jealous of the fact that you're so much closer to her than I am now. And Dena promised she wouldn't be like those type of girls who would choose their bfs over their friends, and look what happened. You're mostly w/ him and Katie. But what can I do, a whole fat NOTHING.
Cousin pisses me off. I don't like telling her anything anymore. It's always the same to her, about my problems and stuff. Yeah they're the same concepts but they seem to get worse and worse and all I want you to do, is be there for me. Instead of, "Mhm." "Yeah." "Oh." Like the way you seem to act is like, 'Get on with your point now, I have something better to do' You hangout more w/ Drew and his family and I've just become so distant with you. You don't even know how much I miss you.
It just sucks, ya know.. getting so attached to people that it hurts. Watching them move a step back in your life every second and everyday. There's just people in your life where they either leave on their own or.. you have to let them go. It's sad, but.. it's the truth. There's just so much pain that a person could handle.
Quote of the Day: The origin of suffering is attachment, attachment leads to suffering.
VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word.. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything.. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget. The one and only.
Yupp kinda sounds like me, sort of(:< Haha
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word.. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything.. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget. The one and only.
Yupp kinda sounds like me, sort of(:< Haha
Friday, March 25, 2011
I'm physically and emotionally tired. -____- this week was so stressful for me and now all that stress has turned into depression. Fuck school right now. It could kiss my flat ass. I'm hoping next quarter won't be as much of a bitch as this one. "Jessica, are you okay?" "What's wrong Jess?" NOTHINGS WRONG GUYS.. I'M TOTALLY FINE. Stop asking me>_< Geeez.
You're such a stupid hypocrite! Like really?! You're not fucking different! So if you want to talk about people and complain about how annoying they are, look at yourself in the damn mirror and question whether or not, you're any different! I love you and all, but you're annoying too. I'm tired of you talking about her like she's the only person in the world that's annoying. She's my friend too, and yeah what she does is annoying too but damn look who's talking-__-
You're such a stupid hypocrite! Like really?! You're not fucking different! So if you want to talk about people and complain about how annoying they are, look at yourself in the damn mirror and question whether or not, you're any different! I love you and all, but you're annoying too. I'm tired of you talking about her like she's the only person in the world that's annoying. She's my friend too, and yeah what she does is annoying too but damn look who's talking-__-
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Tumblr knows how to explain how I feel, when I just don't seem to have words for it.
34116. I'm messed up and confused. I'm fucked up and alone. I'm brutally honest and brutally hurt. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I want. I just know I don't want to feel this emptiness anymore. I'm tired of destroying everything I touch. I only tried to make things right.
34116. I'm messed up and confused. I'm fucked up and alone. I'm brutally honest and brutally hurt. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I want. I just know I don't want to feel this emptiness anymore. I'm tired of destroying everything I touch. I only tried to make things right.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Hannah is a STUPID, IDIOTIC, IRRITATING PIECE OF CRAP. Oh my goodness! Is it so hard to try? I understand you got your heart broken, but what about him? What about how you're acting? With your stubborn dumbass not listening when he's trying to tell you the truth, he's getting hurt too you moron! And your bitchass that's avoiding him isn't helping anything. At least HE'S trying, you're not making your relationship w/ him work at all.. and you're getting hurt everytime you avoid how you feel about him. I can't believe he said I love you to you but you refuse to even try to talk to him and fix things. People deserve 2nd chances, and he hasn't done any wrong things to you so much that he doesn't deserve another chance. You knew what he had to live through for a long time, and you didn't think it'd be hard to open up to someone just like that? You changed him into a better person, and he showed how much he cared for you and you're just going to throw that away? He's been telling you the truth! If you don't freakin believe him, why don't you just go ask Jenna?! She's blind! You have an advantage! You already slapped her once what makes you think you can't do it again? If I were you, and she tried to lie to my face I'd fuckin slap that bitch crazy. Man, Hannah:| Ugh you irk.. I can't believe I'm getting mad over my damn show-____- and what sucks even more balls is that the finale is next weeeeek. I really hope Caleb comes back, off that damn bus and fights for Hannah, as hard as it is, if you really love someone you'd fight for them no matter what. You'd find every way to talk to her and reason with her to get her love back. Obviously she loves you back, knowing Hannah, she wouldn't just cry for any guy. Ohhhh Caleb, you're so cute, I better see your face a lot more in the next season.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Proficiencies was a bitch.
Naw just kiddingg. (: Lol I feel confident about this one! Hopefully I passed this time, I definitely don't want to take it again next year. I'm gonna be pissed if I do though. I'm gonna go take a nap and eat. It's Fat Ass Tuesday, so might as welll. Lmao no it's not, but it IS Fat Tuesday up in Lousiana, they're celebrating Mardi Gras(: Those lucky bastards and their Jumbalaya lookin asses. We have a Fat Tuesday up in the strip and Fremont sells Mardi Gras! We should celebrate too:D Hahaha it's these moments where I wish I was 21. Darn the world. I asked this chick that had necklaces in her hands and tell me why the bitch looked at me like I was stupid, and was like, "You have to be 21." F you!-_- it's a damn necklace, I have to be 21 to have a necklace? Freakin meany. Anways, laterrrr.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
I'm tired.. of being tired, of being here, dealing with her bullshitty ass, and just.. everything.
I've never really felt so drained. I'm not happy anymore. Well not really, but it's hard for me to stay..HAPPY. Because it eventually gets ruined. I spent the day w/ daddy and ya know, it was reaaally good. I haven't had father/daughter time w/ him in a lonnng time. Everytime we came home though, she would ruin it. With all her bullshit. "Why don't you just go stay w/ your gf." "She called, so many times guys." "You're gonna miss us Jo, especially because we won't be together anymore, it'll be me and Jess." The fuck? Are you onnnn something? When did I decide ANYTHING? Where are you getting all your lies? It's so dissappointing how you can't just be HAPPY. How you can't be satisfied w/ the things you're given, how you can't even trust anyone but yourself. You're a selfish, self-centered, money hungry, shit talking bitch. I can't believe you think if you split up w/ him, I'm going to go w/ your crazy ass. Do you not know what kind of shit you say to me? How you treat me? You fucking said you regretted having me, and it was a mistake to be with my dad. You treat me like shit, then you go back to "Jessicaaaa, I love you." "Don't leave me okay?" "You're going to take care of me right?" Like fuuuck. You're guilt tripping me and it's making me feel worse than I already do.
And school is killing me! I'm terrified! That I won't pass the Science proficiency again-_______- Damn you Science, why are you so hard to understand? I don't comprende you at allll. I have a homework overload this weekend(of all freakin weekends) and on top of that I have to practice my violin, and study the damn proficiency! That's why I haven't called anyone this weekend. I'm so stressed!
With homework, Proficiencies, Festival coming up, getting my permit, and of course.. the one and only. My mom:|
I wish I could just sail away across the ocean, to Australia, kick it on a nice beach and just be at peace w/ myself. Have a peace of mind and just relax.
I've never really felt so drained. I'm not happy anymore. Well not really, but it's hard for me to stay..HAPPY. Because it eventually gets ruined. I spent the day w/ daddy and ya know, it was reaaally good. I haven't had father/daughter time w/ him in a lonnng time. Everytime we came home though, she would ruin it. With all her bullshit. "Why don't you just go stay w/ your gf." "She called, so many times guys." "You're gonna miss us Jo, especially because we won't be together anymore, it'll be me and Jess." The fuck? Are you onnnn something? When did I decide ANYTHING? Where are you getting all your lies? It's so dissappointing how you can't just be HAPPY. How you can't be satisfied w/ the things you're given, how you can't even trust anyone but yourself. You're a selfish, self-centered, money hungry, shit talking bitch. I can't believe you think if you split up w/ him, I'm going to go w/ your crazy ass. Do you not know what kind of shit you say to me? How you treat me? You fucking said you regretted having me, and it was a mistake to be with my dad. You treat me like shit, then you go back to "Jessicaaaa, I love you." "Don't leave me okay?" "You're going to take care of me right?" Like fuuuck. You're guilt tripping me and it's making me feel worse than I already do.
And school is killing me! I'm terrified! That I won't pass the Science proficiency again-_______- Damn you Science, why are you so hard to understand? I don't comprende you at allll. I have a homework overload this weekend(of all freakin weekends) and on top of that I have to practice my violin, and study the damn proficiency! That's why I haven't called anyone this weekend. I'm so stressed!
With homework, Proficiencies, Festival coming up, getting my permit, and of course.. the one and only. My mom:|
I wish I could just sail away across the ocean, to Australia, kick it on a nice beach and just be at peace w/ myself. Have a peace of mind and just relax.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I'm feeling depressed.. Everything is just crumbling down. The beginning of my day started out so wonderful and then as the day went by my mood began to lose happiness. Now it's just reached it's lowest.. I'm not even motivated to do homework right now. The place I call "home" feels broken. It's not even "home" to me. My family's not even a family anymore either.. it's breaking apart day by day. There's only so much I can take now a days. I'm confused because I don't know what to believe and what to think, is he really cheating? I mean he's gone a lot. But he works so hard too. I just.. don't know what to believe right now. Idk.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
GAWWWWD. you fucking irk Jan!-____- you always depend on me for everything. How the fuck are we gonna make mommy's birthday cards if you're just sitting on your ass? I asked you to get the paper an hour ago and you're telling me, "I was waiting for you to get off the computer." THE FUCK? You're the bitch who said you wanted to do it downstairs! What does having to be on the computer have to do with anything? All we fucking need is paper and shit and you're gonna have the audacity to turn this shit around and put the blame on me? You got me fucked up with somebody else little girl. I was waiting on your ass to get the paper, of course I'd get off once we had the supplies. That's why I'm annoyed! We always have to repeat ourselves in order to get you to do something! You never do things on your own! You always have to question us, do it yourself! You're never going to learn if you don't try. That's the thing with you! You never try, you expect us to always give you answers. You're never going to get anywhere in life if that's all you're going to do, depend on us. Be more independent for once, because I'm not always going to be here. I might not even be here next year or the year after. Time goes by so quickly, learn NOW.
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