My thoughts have been consuming my mind for the past few hours. I can't even sleep because of how much this bothers me. Is it wrong of me to be upset? I don't even know if I should be or not. Like seriously, am I overreacting? I can't think straight.. fuck. -_-
*2 weeks later, and I visit him at his house to talk.*
3 serious questions. Be honest, how much do you care for me? (A lot.) Do you really love me? (Really? Please tell me that's a rhetorical question.) Just answer my damn question, do you or do you not love me? (Of course I love you.) Tell me.. how do you honestly feel about our relationship right now? (I love it.. I love youu. Why are you asking me these questions? It's scaring me.) Don't get me wrong, I love our relationship, but right now it fucking sucks. You don't realize how you've made me feel for weeks now. I have felt sad, angry, frustrated, annoyed, and confused all at the same time because of you. I have felt ignored and neglected like you don't even care for me anymore. Do you know how terrible that feels? Sometimes I feel like.. all our relationship is about is physical contact. You do realize a relationship should be more than just the physical stuff right? But that's the thing about our relationship.. we lack communication. I see you about once every two weeks Aaron.. I BARELY talk to you. Even when you got a new phone, that made no difference whatsoever. It was the same shit.. we still didn't talk. You barely texted me.. and don't give me that "Well I was waiting for you to text me because I was always the one to start conversations" bullshit. BULL FUCKING SHIT Aaron. I texted you! I waited for you to text me back and that's all I ever did for you was wait! 12 hours later, you reply. 3 hours later, you reply. 2 hours later, you reply. If you're busy, just tell me. I'm tired of waiting for your ass. You KNOW I'm as impatient as you are, yet you pull this shit on me. All I asked was for you to ask permission on whether or not I could come over.. and you failed. You failed to ask. The worst your dad could've done was say no. You know that would've been fine right? It's called ASKING FOR PERMISSION for a reason. A 'yes' or 'no' question, yet you couldn't even try. "Baaaaby (;" "Yes dear? I love you." "I love you too! I miss you so much dude." "Awww I miss you too. I'll see you soon somehow I promise." I PROMISE. Fuck your promises Aaron! All you ever do is promise me things. I don't believe in promises for a reason. Promises are always meant to be broken. Promises give people false hope. You want to do something, then do it! Don't tell me you're going to do it, actions speak louder than words. I'm tired of always believing in your words. I don't even know if I can believe you care for me. (Of course I care for you, you mean so much to me.) Is that so? If you really missed me or cared to even talk to me or speak to me, you would've done something by now. All I've ever been was understanding towards you, all I've ever been was sweet and nice. But I feel like you're taking advantage of that. I'm not always going to let you slide. You don't believe that I have a mean side, you've only seen me as a sweet, innocent, good girl.. well you know what? Fine. You'll get to see my ugly side. Because if I can't ask you nicely, then fuck.. nice knowing you kid. I WILL be mean. I can be the biggest bitch you know because you asked for it. I'm not in this relationship to be your mother, I shouldn't be telling you to "do this.. do that." I'm your GIRLFRIEND. I'm supposed to support you through things, not tell you what to do. Why the fuck am I babysitting you in the first place? Most girls break up with guys who act as immature as you do. But do you KNOW why I've held on? Do you know why I haven't given up? I'll be honest, everyday I have felt like giving up. But I haven't, because even if you have your flaws, even though I may be mad at you, or annoyed, or frustrated or whatever it is.. I look back on what we've done together, I look back on everything we've ever said to each other, I look back on how you made me feel through the time we've spent together and those negative emotions you caused me just don't matter anymore because.. I fall back in love with you all over again no matter what. You mean THAT much to me that I can't even bare to lose you. I keep fighting to keep you, but there's only so much strength in me left Aaron. I can't keep fighting by myself. I need you to fight for me too. I need you to show me you care for me. I need you to show me that you love me. All I'm asking for is your effort. Your effort to keep me. Your effort to communicate with me in any possible means. I understand you've gotten privileges taken away. But who's fault is that? Just try. Don't I at least deserve that much from you?
