The memories are the pain that brought my tears.

Wow. I can't believe how hard I cried when I got into the shower. I mean everything was fine, and I got tired of it being quiet so I decided to sing, but as I was singing I realized I was sing "The Prayer" that Jojo always sang, and I couldn't even finish the song cause I started crying pretty hard. I couldn't breathe for like a second. And then the waterworks kept coming and I couldn't see shit. So as I was shampooing my hair soap gets in my freakin eyes and I'm 50% crying because my sister's gone and 50% crying because the soap was burning my eyes! Lmao but after when I got out of the shower I felt worse:( I was crying really hard. I felt like my heart was broken. The tears just wouldn't stop and the good and bad memories were filling up my mind that it didn't help the tears stop. So I cried for a straight hour and a half. It's just hard.. having to know that I've depended on her for so long that I don't know what to do when we're going through rough times at home. She was like my strength, my reason to stay strong bc she stayed strong for me and Jan. She was the older sister who took care of us. And honestly, their leave was harder on me than anyone could possibly imagine. Because of the fact that I was closer to her than anyone. And then it got me thinking, once I decide to leave after high school.. I'm gonna cry 10x harder like a weenie, because I'm so close to Jan. I'm so attached to her it's not even funny. Sometimes I just need to sleep in her room, esp when I'm scared. She's the person I go to when I'm scared. And then who hell am I going to turn to after high school? It just sucks. When I get attached to people, like I REALLY hardcore get attached. Because when I care.. I really do care and when I love.. I LOVE. But when you break me.. I break into pieces and emotionally, it's hard for me to get back up. But I live.. I eventually reailze I have to move on.. and I stay strong(: