Wanna know what I hate?

How I just can't have a normal conversation with you anymore. I don't even know what to talk about anymore. I try to avoid "relationship" conversations, because I'm just not ready to talk about that stuff with you. When we broke up, I never said my feelings for you were gone, I mean I don't feel like I did before, but deep down you'll always be in my heart and I feel like it's my fault. It's always my fault. "I'm not ready." "I can't handle it" "My parents.. blahblahblah." My excuses that kept me from really committing to our relationship. I feel like i'm always the reason for everything, for everytime we broke up. You have no idea how much you irk me though, when we were together I couldn't stand it. And yes, it's my fault that we didn't eachother much. Maybe because you make me feel like I'm boring. You didn't do anything, I felt like my self-esteem just sank lower than it was just being single. I couldn't be with someone who made me feel that way, I needed someone to bring my self-esteem up, to boost my confidence, to make me feel beautiful when I felt ugly, to cheer me up when I was sad, to be the one to hold my hand when we walk in public, to hold me and never let me go, to hug me and keep me warm, make me feel safe, and show me you truly cared about me.. You didn't do any of these things. I told you one night that I felt really depressed to the point that I didn't eat or drink or sleep for a whole week, and you didn't say a word. NOT A WORD to me. You didn't show me you were concerned, all you said was.. "Oh." And I'm tired of always having to be the one talking ALL THE DAMN TIME! Best friends or relationship, either way it's always me talking! Like damn, is it really hard to figure out what to talk about? Do I always have to do everything? I was flattered you did the things you did when we were together, but buying me things wasn't enough for me.. caring for me, or showing me you liked me meant more to me than a bear you won at Circus Circus.. but you just didn't know how to show me you cared. Caring comes naturally, and I do it to everyone, I don't know how it could possibly be so hard for you. But it's whatevers, if we were meant to be.. I guees time will tell.